New Year News

Sorry about the lack of posts for the past two weeks... Work gets cuh-razy during the holidays, plus there was a lot of time spent with family and friends, and I incorrectly believed that I was having a computer crisis. Did you know that if you have an Mac adapter with the wrong wattage (60 vs. 85), it will appear to charge the computer, but won't allow it to start up if it's plugged in? Neither did we! So I spent about 5 days of the holiday sans computer because I incorrectly believed that I was having video card issues again. Silly me!

But here's the New Year News:

God Obscures Perception is getting married!

We've been together over 6 years and became officially engaged in October (on our anniversary). We've debated a lot about the cultural meanings and history of marriage, what it means to the LGBTQ community, and if getting married is the right thing to do. Ultimately, though, we decided that not getting married does not help the gay community achieve that right for themselves. We'll be having a completely non-religious ceremony with some nods to atheism, officiated by our best friend. I didn't post the news any earlier because we didn't want to even think about planning anything until after the New Year. So here we are!

Not that I'm interested in having a wedding remotely inspired by anything on The Knot (but they do have some decent organizing tools that we can use as broad outlines), but can I mention how irritating it was that they do not have an option for an "atheist" or "non-religious" tag for profiles?

I selected "Intercultural" because my parents are very devout Catholics. That's practically like another culture, right? Or would that make it "Interfaith?" At least they have a "Same Sex" option. These options are so limiting! Why bother even giving tags like this?

That's why I love Offbeat Bride. Just doing a search for "atheist" on that page turns up about 40 results. As opposed to the 10 results you get on The Knot, which mostly features different pages of the same 3 threads.

And I don't think you'll find many articles titled "Musings on Feminism and Weddings" on The Knot. While our wedding will probably seem completely irreverent to some, we hope that it will be a thoughtful celebration of our personal commitment to one another and an expression of our appreciation that we are legally allowed to wed and enjoy the benefits of marriage... with our deepest regret that same-sex couples are usually denied this right and our hope that this will change someday soon.

Plus a really great party.

Avoiding Church With the Parents OR Religion at "Home"

I hope the decision isn't reversed!

One half of GOP is out of Los Angeles at the moment, and that half is me. Our most regular contributor. I'm in Iowa right now, feeling especially sad about the liberal Supreme Court justices getting booted out of a job. I just flipped through the local paper and saw a cute engagement photo for two men... I hope they still get to marry in the next year.

And speaking of weddings, that's why I was back in Iowa. One of my cousins was getting married! It was my kind of ceremony. One of their best friends became an officiant through the Universal Life Church (you can be atheist and register with them) and there was ZERO mention of a god or religion. It was short, sweet, and very personal. They had a focus on a eco-friendly reception, which was very cool.

The wedding was far enough away from where my parents live that they had a motel reserved for that evening. The next morning was Sunday. They were, of course, going to church. With my EXTREMELY religious grandmother. What was I going to do?

Relief came in the form of my cousin. Most of the younger crowd from the wedding planned to go out that evening for drinks, and I wanted to join in. My cousin offered to let me stay at her place and my parents agreed to pick me up from her apartment the following afternoon. THANK YOU! Win win. I got to hang out with my cousins a bit more and was saved from the awkwardness of Catholic mass.

My parents know that I am a non-believer. I don't think the word "atheist" has ever been uttered, but they know that I don't go to church and don't believe in many of its tenets. If I'm at home, they let me sleep in and don't harp about mass. Even at Christmas, and they've taken it considerably well. But if I were at a hotel that needed to be checked out of.... I would have been forced to go out of necessity unless I was stubborn enough to insist at being dropped off at a Starbucks. But that would have led to really uncomfortable discussions with my grandmother whose heart would be broken that I refuse to attend church.

Does this make me an atheistic coward or just a considerate person who doesn't want to crush the expectations of an 87 year old lady?

On another note: businesses close REALLY early on Sundays in Iowa. This is annoying. However, the cafe I tried to eat at gave me a free cup of coffee to go. That was nice. More on businesses and Sundays another day.

Thank you Tim Gunn

Since I already touched on the subject of homophobia and gay bashing recently, I won't talk much more about it except to highlight a couple things that I've seen recently that at least make me feel more positive about America's attitude toward the LGBTQ community. Even though Congress messed up big time on "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," at least a new CNN poll show that at least half of America now supports gay marriage. Here's my favorite part of the article I read...

This trend will continue. Nationally, a majority of people under age 30 support same-sex marriage. And this is not because of overwhelming majorities found in more liberal states that skew the national picture: our research shows that a majority of young people in almost every state support it. As new voters come of age, and as their older counterparts exit the voting pool, it’s likely that support will increase, pushing more states over the halfway mark.

That's great news. Everybody just needs to ignore what is the very LOUD, but minority voice on this issue. The other thing I'd like to share is this wonderful and very touching video from Tim Gunn. In it, he has a message for LGBTQ teens..."it gets better." He urges them to seek help if they are in despair, and shares a very personal story of his own experience. I loved Tim Gunn anyway, but this just secured him a place in my heart forever.

It's not totally on topic for this blog, but it was so uplifting, I just thought I'd share.

Gay Marriage (and Life Partnership)

Please, PLEASE can this be legal now? 

I'm from Iowa, one of the swingiest states in the Union. You never can tell what those goofy Iowans are going to do and that goofy Iowa Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage over a year ago.

I left Iowa for California in order to live in a more progressive state. To be around more liberal people like me. Hmmm... guess I was somewhat wrong. Just about everyone knows about Prop 8 (Prop Hate, as it's usually called in our house) and that millions of Californians enjoy voting to restrict the rights of others.

Luckily, the case went back to court and as the L.A. Times put it, "Prop 8 is Hanging by a Legal Thread." Right now, we're just waiting to on the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals to decide on the case.

At least a precedent has been set that even if this ruling is overturned in the future, that all those same-sex couples waiting to get married will have permanently legitimate marriages. If I were part of a lesbian partnership that missed the chance to get married before Prop 8... I'd be on pins and needles right now.

I think that same-sex marriage, more than almost any other issue, is a clear cut example of when God Obscures Perception. Why should anyone care if two gay people in a committed relationship receive the same benefits as a straight couple? No one is being harmed here. This isn't a threat to marriage. Divorce is a threat to marriage. The iPhone is a threat to marriage.

 
There are people out there who don't understand parody. Don't waste your time reading user comments.

My very Catholic mother has always been pretty iffy about gay marriage, even though she personally knows plenty of nice gay and lesbian couples. It took me explaining to her that no matter what the law said, they would never be able to force churches to marry same-sex couples. She was surprised. Why? I don't know. I thought that was rather obvious given all the restrictions the Catholic church already imposes on married couples (vowing to raise their children Catholic, pre-marriage counseling, etc...). But this actually satisfied her concerns! I explained that it was about tax laws, hospital visitation, insurance, and most importantly, equal recognition!

Actually, one of the many reasons that Life Partner and I aren't married yet is because the ugliness surrounding this debate has made marriage seem like some dirty, exclusive club... and we aren't sure that we want to be a part of that until same-sex marriage is safe in this state. I'm not judging those who care about this issue and still get married...I'm just saying that it feels wrong to us.

I can't claim to understand the discrimination the gay community faces, but I have felt it in a very small way. My life partner and I have been together for almost six years and act like any other young married couple. We live together, share expenses, have always been completely monogamous, consult each other on pretty much everything... we plan to spend our lives together and renew that promise almost every day. Yet, when I went to the doctor's office, there were boxes to check for single, married, divorced, widowed, and domestic partner. Well, in California, you can't be domestic partners unless you are a same-sex couple or one partner is older than 62. 

So what do I check?

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• Majority of Iowans support marriage rights for same-sex couples (pinkbananaworld.com)

Yeah, those kooky Iowans.

UPDATE! American Atheists to have 2011 convention in Iowa.... GAH!!!!! FOR REALSIES?!