God Damn-- I mean... ?

Blasphemy. Doesn't really serve a purpose anymore, does it? I mean, Holy Zeus, am I a hypocrite for acknowledging a god in some small way by damning it?

I'd like to think not. It's just words, after all. It's something made up to help give expression to anger or frustration. Just because I say "fuck" doesn't mean I'm actually talking about sexual intercourse. I don't know much about the etymology of swears, but I sure do enjoy using them. And "god damn" may be one of my favorites... it's a close second to just using "JESUS CHRIST." Sometimes I may or may not give Jesus a middle name that isn't mentioned in the Bible.

I started thinking about this a while back at work when I had the most comical/graceful slipping-and-almost-but-not-quite fall in the middle of the dining room. Someone had spilled olive oil on the floor and my right leg flew out in front of me as my arms windmilled, flailing wildly. I ended up performing something that looked a bit like a ballet move as all the surrounding customers GASPED audibly. Thankfully, my hands were empty at the time. And I shouted,

Source

"JESUS!"

at the top of my lungs. In retrospect, I'm quite pleased with myself for not shouting out something more offensive. I'm lucky that most of our clientele are either gay or Jewish, and likely don't care about such things. My mother is the type of person who takes offense at Valley Girl types saying, "Like, gawd, totally, for sure" too much. To her, even saying, "Oh, god" is using the "lord's name in vain."

If I don't believe in any of these imaginary figures, why do I invoke them when I am most frightened or angry? Old habit? I actually used them less when I was a believer. Or maybe it's just utterly satisfying to abuse the words. They are unbelievably satisfying.

So what? Does this make me a hypocrite? It might take some practice, but I could get used to saying "FSM damn it" or "For the love of INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN!" Sure I could.

Bertrand Russell

You might wonder who that old guy is that we use as a profile picture. That's Betrand Russell. If you don't know who he is, read about him.

His analogy about religion and society is one of my favorites and asks why it's always up to the skeptic to disprove the existence of god. It's commonly referred to as

"Russell's Teapot"

If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.


When we think, too, about how absurd it would be to fight wars over said teapot. If one side thought it was a willow patterned china and another thought it rosebud. And yet another side thought that it had matching saucers or was served with milk or another thought lemons... this could go on forever. And how STUPID would it be if we fought wars over this, used it to discriminate against others...simply because we argued over the details of something that couldn't be proven and was inconsequential. 

Russell's Teapot has inspired other parody religions like the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Invisible Pink Unicorn... all of which are delightful and have the same basic message.